Over the years I’ve learned the value of listening as it’s really the only way you can understand someone else.
It’s not as easy as it sounds though because some things go unsaid.
But if you listen closely you can still hear them.
When your husband’s health was fading I wrote him a letter. In that letter, I told him that he had nothing to worry about as I would take care of you.
I wrote this letter because I was listening to him.
He was loving and compassionate. He wanted to take care of everyone around him and I knew that he would be worried that when he was gone there would be no one around to care for you.
I can’t imagine the pain and suffering that he was going through. Nor can I even pretend to understand your emotions and experience while all of this was happening.
All I could do was listen and what I heard was that he deserved to be reassured that the love of his life would be taken care of.
Nobody asked me to write that letter. I never told anyone about it.
It had one purpose and I hope it served it.
When you came to my home a month later, I could see your pain.
You felt alone in a house full of people and so you shut yourself away.
I was listening.
Do you remember I came to you and we talked? You told me your feelings. You shared your sadness and pain.
Nobody asked me to come speak to you.
Nobody asked me to help you out.
I did because I was listening and I could hear the loneliness and I wanted you to understand that whenever I’m around you should never feel alone.
When I started to hear your opinions on the world and I saw that we didn’t see things the same, I didn’t stop listening, but I figured that you should understand how I view things.
So I tried to share my views.
I tried to allow you into my world so you could see a different view.
I wanted you to understand how I was going to teach your grandchildren to see that the World can be a beautiful place when you don’t pretend that everyone is fine.
I wanted you to understand that they were going to see that people are different and that it was these differences that made them great.
I wanted you to see that they should fight for everyone because everyone deserves to live a great life like they will live.
I never expected you to agree.
I never expected to change how you view the world.
I just expected you to listen.
That’s all I wanted.
When you saw my pain and I tried to help you see the experiences that I’ve gone through in life I figured that it wouldn’t matter what our differences were because you would understand ME because you were listening.
But you weren’t.
When I saw you say things that others would view in a way that you wouldn’t want them to I tried to explain that to you so you could make adjustments. Because I don’t want anyone to think ill of you.
But you weren’t listening.
When I saw you post things that painted a world in which my pain would be ignored, I was listening.
When I saw members of your family post hateful and ignorant thoughts and you commented in agreement, I was listening.
Maybe listening isn’t always great because you begin to hear things you never want to hear.
When your daughter spoke I figured you’d hear because no voice is more powerful. She cried out to you hoping that you’d finally listen.
What you did the next day showed that you didn’t.
It also showed me something greater.
I’m starting to realize now that you have no ears.
All of this time I’ve been talking to someone who can’t hear a thing that I say.
All of this time I’ve been showing someone that I will look out for them and care for their well-being but they were deaf to all of that.
There are a lot of sad things in this world and I’ve experienced a lot of them.
But one of the saddest is talking to someone who does not want to hear.
You can’t talk to someone with no ears so I will no longer try.