The Code That I Live By

I don’t like watching sad movies.

If I come across a movie that has something extremely sad in it, then I can only watch it once. That’s it.

I don’t like people being sad. I don’t like being around sad.

I understand that is life and it’s inevitable that some days I’ll just be around sad.

I also don’t like to see people hurting. I’ve been pretty fortunate with the life that I’ve been able to live and if I get too deep in my thoughts and think about those who haven’t had the same opportunities as me it can get me down.

Around the age of 10, I realized that I could control my environment so there wasn’t as much sadness in it.

All I had to do was make people laugh.

And that’s what I tried to do. Not in a class clown kind of way. Just in a way a friend cracks a small joke to make you smile.

That’s really all I wanted from people.


Stoicism vs Rejection Sensitivity

My Dad is one of those people who will let you know that he doesn’t give a fuck what other people think about him. It’s an admirable quality most of the time.

I didn’t adapt it until I was in college. I don’t know when exactly it happened but there was a point where I rebelled and just told the world that I didn’t give a shit how it viewed me.

This was in complete defiance of everything I had done up to that point because until then, I wanted to be accepted.

When I was younger I had a bit of Rejection Sensitivity. If I was rejected I took that personally. Usually lashing out in ways that didn’t make sense.

I have no doubt the switch flipped due to some heartache or something. It’s always love that chisels the stone.

But the interesting thing is that even though I became more stoic in how I looked at others’ perceptions of me, that still didn’t change the fact that I wanted everyone around me to enjoy life.

It was my drug.

And it was selfish.

Being Selfish Is Okay

Being selfish gets a bad rap.

If you’re being selfish in a way that harms others that don’t deserve harm, then that’s probably not cool. Of course, who gets to decide who deserves to be harmed?

But if you’re being selfish because you believe it will make you a better person then by all means go for it.

I enjoy being happy and being able to bring joy to others does two main things:

  1. Makes me extremely happy
  2. Fills me with self-confidence

It’s the fuel that I constantly seek when I’m around others. It’s a selfish habit that just so happens to benefit others.

And because of that, I’ve been living with a code for a while.

I don’t know when I adopted it, but I know it’s been around for a bit.

My Code

I believe everyone lives by a code. It’s the compass that dictates our actions.

Even for those evil people that seem to have no code, their actions are still dictated by a code that maybe we don’t recognize.

But they know it.

So what’s my code?

I will always try to bring joy to those I come across and through that I’ll always seek joy.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit. Sometimes I break this code.

For example, I got into a fight with my wife this morning. It did not bring either of us joy and you know what happens when this occurs?

At some point within the next hour I run to her and try to make her laugh or at the very last smile. I can’t live in a world where there is no joy around me.

It’s why I’m very selective about what I consume online.

It’s why I avoid sad movies.

Understand Their Code, Understand Their Core

The code that you live by dictates your actions.

This is why the saying that when someone shows you who they are, believe them, rings true.

The problem many of us face is that we want to place our code upon others we like. We want to believe they have the same code as us.

But that usually isn’t the case and because of that, eventually, we get hurt.

So whenever you start to build a relationship with someone do your best to understand their Code. What do they live by?

You might find that it’s a sad movie that you don’t want to watch.